Improvisation and Coffee Tables

I Think It's Dried Out

I could make a coffee table out of a piece of driftwood. I could turn old, discarded pallets into a headboard. I could sew fabric remnants into a dress. People say I have talent. That I’m creative and good at the things I do. But, I could do so much more. The things I make would be far better if I could just afford the materials that go into them.

“I could make that necklace…but, I don’t have $10.00 to buy the supplies.”

“I could make that felt phone case in 15 minutes…but, it would take sewing supplies that I can’t afford.”

“I could make that…”

“But, I don’t have…But, I can’t afford…But, I would need…But, I can’t get…I can’t get…I can’t…I can’t…I can’t…”

I try to improvise and make my own tools. Sometimes, it works, but most of the time it doesn’t. It’s frustrating, defeating, and embarrassing. I work for hours, only to have the project fall apart. So, I put away my shitty tools, clean up whatever mess I made, wash the glue off my fingers, and wait for the disappointment to go away.

I think about giving it all up. Never picking up a paintbrush, a needle, or a hot glue gun again. But, I keep trying because it’s the only thing I can do. I work until I get it done, until I get it right. And, if I can’t do it without some random, expensive thing, I file the project away in my mind and I wait. I know I’ll make my pallet headboard. I‘ll make that felt phone case. I’ll make that damn bracelet someday.

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One thought on “Improvisation and Coffee Tables

  1. mandy

    I’m so glad to find someone who is brimming with creativity yet things don’t always work out–or hardly ever. (Not happy like gloating!! Just happy it’s not just me!)One day I filled up box after box of supplies that seemed futile in my effort to create, and donated it all. And don’t I have times now that I miss it and wish I could give it another go!! Don’t give up–give yourself a ton of credit for your ideas AND that you make attempts. One day you’ll produce a mighty creation!! 🙂

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